10!

Wake up at 6:15 to Dave’s alarm.
It’s 10 degrees out. Yay!
No snow. Boo.
Ice on the inside of the windows. Yay!

I walk Clare because Dave hates hates hates the cold. And I equally love it. It’s glorious out. Sliver of a moon, sun starting to rise. Truck city.

I’ve been thinking about Bridgit.

Previously, on Saturday, Dave and I got to Martha’s room about 11:00 before everyone else got in. She was sitting up in bed, dressed and happy to see us. But she would have a couple of sentences then doze off. I told her Delbert would be here in a while, how ’bout she take a nap? Ok.  Martha was sleeping soundly as I sat in the chair at the foot of her bed Dave sat in the corner. To my way of thinking this is great. I can be quiet and wait forever. Dave’s good, he’s had lots of experience in hospitals. When you wake up in a fog and see someone who loves you, its like a shot of comfort and you can go back to sleep feeling safe.

A knock at the door and it’s Bridget. She was definitely not happy to see us. Bridget is Martha’s housekeeper and has brought her makeup and clothes. Bridget talks to Martha and ignores us as best she can, monosyllabic to us, full-on pay-attention-to-me conversation with Martha. My assessment is Bridget is a cold prickly, which wouldn’t matter to Martha, and Bridget needs to be important. So, hey I can give her that. Pay attention to Bridget. Give her credit.

One of the problems we have at the bedside – so to speak-  is people don’t know what to do with themselves. We want to be a benefit to those we love, everyone does. But how to help? How can we be useful? I think being there is good enough. That loving human presence is sufficient. It must be, it’s all we’ve got in the end.

Everyone who came brought their strength to help. Louise is a nurse practitioner, and basically is a doctor with big doses of practical kindness. She can talk with the nurses and get things done. Delbert is Martha’s brother and closest confidant. Wanda & Delbert have lived next to Martha all their lives. They know her, understand her better than anyone can. Helen grew up with them and is the nearest Martha has to a sister. All Dave and I bring is love and kindness. Hopefully it shows.

Bridget was there again yesterday. She was a complete dragon. She kicked everyone out of the room. Then stood at the head of the wing and warned everyone off Martha’s room. I suppose Martha asked for time alone to rest. Its the best face I can put on Bridget’s behavior. But there are gentler ways. Like, the explanation “Martha wants/needs/asked/ to get some rest.” rather than “don’t go in there” or “stay out”

Chuck (Martha’s son) and I are allowed in the room as (after all) we were there to take Martha to radiation. We’re making conversation, Chuck shows me a cool pen he has, made by smith & wesson. It has a great feel, good weight, and lots of whistles and bells. I offer it to Bridget who is sitting next to me. She says to the window “I saw it” wont take it from me, doesn’t touch it. Doesnt look at me.

I have cooties. 🙂

So, I set again to make sure she knows I appreciate her worth. But I’m a non starter. Nothing I say engages her. She is eye on the prize. And I am no prize for Bridget.

I finally peg her as the mercenary. She”s paid for certain things. And polite is not in her arsenal. I am in her way. Bridget is simply interested in her next job. No manners or kindness for anyone else who isn’t directly associated with her paycheck. She is all smiles for the people who might be of use to her. But otherwise – you don’t exist.

Its good to know where you stand.

I’m the same way.  I’m right there with Bridget ignoring everything else when I’m on task working with computers because it’s how my head gets engaged. And I love the work. But I also know that’s messy, and try to clean up my social messes later when I can.

learn something every day

Life is interesting.

And lots of fun.